Thursday, December 22, 2005

Security with a Smile

My trip to back to New Mexico was great. It was great to see everyone (even those who refused to be photographed yet still wanted to check out the site). I am including some holiday travel tips for those of you who have not yet started your journey home:

  • There is nothing that cannot be killed with kindness.

  • Don’t take a limo to the airport. You look like a prick.

  • If they tell you the flight is nearly full and to grab the first seat you see, sit in the middle seat of an empty row. This will all but ensure that if there is one empty seat on the plane, it will be next to you, giving you a more comfortable ride.

  • Don’t joke about the plane exploding with your Arab row mate. Seriously – even if he is an American with no accent. It will delay your departure. Further, when they become suspicious that the only empty seat on the plane is between the people joking about exploding planes, DO NOT use the term “signaling” when describing your seating theory (see above).

  • Surrendering lighters, matches, and mace is pretty much voluntary. These things are not caught during security checks, even if you put them in the dish with your keys.

  • Sing while waiting in a crowded lobby to board your plane. At least one person (if not everyone) will join you. Favorites seem to be “Jingle Bells” and “Sweet Home Alabama”.

  • Avoid long check-in lines at ticketing by claiming that you only have carryon baggage and using the automated check-in machine. Since the security folk are no longer employed by the airlines, they are concerned with finding lighters, matches, and mace (see above), not the size of your bag. When you board the plane, they will “gate-check” oversized bags for you. (It’s ok to be that person – your time is important.)

  • United is improving their customer service – the invalid on my plane only had to ask for a wheelchair three times AND they actually brought one instead of forcing her to crawl to baggage claim. They are still no Southwest (whom I would trust to manage the federal government), but they are getting better. As your attorney, I advise you to avoid American Airlines at all costs.

  • Seating in the front of the plane is quieter than the rear. This is because you are in front of the engines. Not, as I was duly informed, because the engines are failing. Also, Catholics just cross themselves a lot. It doesn’t necessarily mean that there is anything wrong with the plane.

  • Even if you offend your row-mate, request reseating if their pre-flight greeting starts with: a) I am an aeronautical engineer; b) I am a computer science major and I want to talk about the statistical likelihood of the engines/wings falling off of our aircraft; or c) I was a pilot in the “X” branch of the military during ‘Nam. Or, in the alternative, tell them you are a lawyer/work for the IRS/native of Saudi Arabia and they will reseat themselves.

  • Traveling is stressful. People like to smile. Give them a reason.

Happy Holidays!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


Ma in her lovely (and matching) Christmas sweater and Chicago t-shirt. Posted by Picasa

Yay Southwest (even though you slid off the runway). Posted by Picasa

Book in the airport. Came within two inches of buying it. Posted by Picasa

Me and Dr. Stuart (one of my most favorite people). Posted by Picasa

There is this stand in the mall. These fake animals breathe due to battery power. In the picture, there is an old woman brushing one. Does that not seem unduly cruel? Posted by Picasa

Luminarias line most of the buildings in town. Posted by Picasa

This is my spot in the mountains. It is a place where my heart goes whether I am happy or sad and the first place (after the Frontier) that I am drawn to when I come home. Posted by Picasa

Its difficult to get over the barbed wire fence to get on top of the water tower. But it is really worth it. Posted by Picasa

Great hiking. Sometimes there are people hunting with rifles illegally - that makes it more exciting. Posted by Picasa

How I miss these places. Posted by Picasa

If in the right spot, it feels like the whole world is at your feet. Posted by Picasa

My mountains. Posted by Picasa

This is my mother ship - where the whole journey started. Posted by Picasa

They actually pay somebody to try to start a fire and change the sign daily. Posted by Picasa

This is how we do in the 'Burque. Posted by Picasa

It snowed. Hard to see in the picture, but the morning sun was so warm as to not only melt ALL of the snow, but to make roofs steam. Posted by Picasa

We went to the "River of Lights" at the Botanical Gardens. Here, Ma mimics the trees. Posted by Picasa

The rainforest area was decorated with subtle white lights and poinsettas. It was beautiful. Posted by Picasa

Ma's reflection on how the Christmas light scorpion makes her feel. Posted by Picasa

My ma's rat. Um, I mean cat. Posted by Picasa

Grandma and Shirley. Grandma looks drugged. Posted by Picasa

Only in New Mexico. Posted by Picasa

Grandma and Shirley again. Only Grandma looks surprised. She is a versatile woman. Posted by Picasa

When I took the picture, I didn't notice that the fire extinguisher was on the other side of the door. Yet another reason why no one should trust me in case of fire. Posted by Picasa

Ma and I with the Mexcian Santa. Posted by Picasa