Country Mouse Goes to the Big City

Because I have nothing better to do...

Technically, I should be studying. In reality, I am doing just about anything but. Here are some pictures from our last night of the law school bowling league. Also, there are some pictures from my weekend at Shawnee National Park. The pictures are from "The Garden of the Gods".

Finally, does anyone have any ideas about how to use iPhoto (Mac) to upload pictures to Blogger? I have to figure this out soon, as I will be in The Big City in two weeks and my clunky PC will not be accompanying me. Hope things are well!

Thanks Jon for driving every week!

Team Trannie! Congrats to Vijay, Jon, Scott and myself for not being last in the league!

This is why we really bowl. Beer and pizza.

A Country Mouse special. And that's after two rolls.

Team Trannie plus a Foreigner.

Despite all the smelly tourists, it was actually quite peaceful.

I jumped off that. (Just kidding, Ma.)

Pure grace.

Others enjoying nature. They were mostly German.

Pretty tree.

Hahahaha. I mean, what?

Here's the explanation. From the experts.

Lizard! Lizard! Lizard!

The outdoors. Very foreign to a law student.

Rocks and stuff growing on rocks.

More rocks.

Tree and rock. Seriously should get paid for this.

Roots. We all have'em.

Ewww...It looks like my shower...

Nature's reminder of the luck of not being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The road ahead.

I don't think this counts as a big city adventure...

But an adventure nonetheless. We went to Virginia for the annual law school softball tournament. The trip turned up great one-liners, such as, "If you don't stop that, I am going to take these keys out of the ignition and stab you", "People burn their trash? Ew.", and "I threw up this many times [indicating three by a count of fingers] in Virginia bathrooms." I have a bunch more pictures, but I can't get the darn things to post and contrary to popular belief, I am pretty busy, so this will do it for now. Hope things are well!

With laser tag!

Just in case you have not encountered an indoor restroom door or lock before.

Doty enjoys the phenomenon of the Swedish Fish.

Chicken in a biskit. With real dehydrated chicken.

Alex and Jorge lament their poor beer-pong showing.

Re-packing.

Yes, but after this legislation passes, they are going to cost a fortune.

Just in case you had forgotten.

Hahahahahahahaha. I love the south.

Alex's first law home

Perhaps you want to wait until it seems like less of a passing fad...

This is the chapel that contains Robert E. Lee. I asked Doty to lie down in front like the statue of Lee inside, but apparently that is disrepectful. Come on, the guy's been dead for a while, plus they lost the war.

More pretty flowers

Lonely Conley Pics.

Lawn at UVA.

Damn hippies.

I just find this funny.

Neck hair. Ew.

It's Friday night. Where are we? That's right, the law library.

Um, but I only get a six-month grace period on all the money that someone else paid you so I could graduate.

Ron Burgundy was a distinguished member of the UVA law faculty after leaving the newsteam.

She's nervous...will she do it?

Alex gets ramped up to take a swig. Doty continues to be creepy.

She drinks..

Alex feels the full glory of the Cisco.

Awww...look how sober/respectable we are.

The kids play drunken video bowling.

The sexy belt-buckles of two men I encountered.

Even the poor are well-off in Virginia.

Doty in the outfield. (Yeah, he's the small figure in the middle. They wouldn't let me on the field for a close-up.)

Doty swings. He missed. But we still love him.

I thought that after Enron, we would stop running businesses in that way...

Alex with her gorgeously intoxicating $12 drink.

Alex with her W&L 1L friends.

Jorge breaks it down for the people.

Wow, we are drunk. Except for Doty. Who just mocked us. Brutally.

Trannie Attack (with 3Ls).

Team captain Chris engages in the ritualistic dance requesting for the blessing of the softball gods.

Alex joins the invocation.

Happy Birthday Jorge! (They spelled your name in such a weird way on the cake...)

Thanks to Jorge's parents for such a great meal on the long trip home!

Jorge's strange, loud-breathing, devil-dog.

Um, stolen plate? Or just Hyde Park classy? You decide.

Drunk in our new favorite burrito place. As self-respecting women, they refuse to be photographed with such men.

A rare photograph of Doty's "girlfriend" interacting with him. Looks more like self-defense to me.

Doty behaves inappropriately in the cab.

Doty in theory has a "girlfriend" who lives in "Canada". (Actually, Wisconsin, but same thing right?) She remains elusive.

Doty's "girlfriend" remains elusive.

Hoodlums on the bus.

Figures. He had to get a girl this hot drunk before he could he near her.

Clouds.

Clouds. Like you couldn't figure that out.

I touch to fuzzy goodness of Rob's shirt in a shameless attempt to be close to him.

Rare photographs of the elusive "Jess" rumored to live and work in Cleveland.

Awww...it's just like 1L.

Toria prepares to deflect the sarcastic comments of friends.

Yay friends!

Rob is still trying. Everyone else understands what a group photo is.

Rob and friends attempt to re-enact Jesus's last supper. Doesn't seem to catch.

Chris laughs along.

More countryside.

Countryside.

Open road on the way to Cleveland.

Watch me grow...

I mean, glow. Here are pictures of Doty. We are going to call these the "before" pictures (hopefully). Track Doty's transformation as he turns from an average law student into a mean, lean, injustice-fighting machine. If anyone else would like to participate in our game, please send me pictures of yourself (you can hide your face if you prefer - here in Chicago we have no shame). I will have more pictures as soon as I figure out how to get them off of my email.

Here's looking at you, kid (in a creepy pedophile sort of way)

Here is where it's at...yeppers, all of it.

Life Without Glasses

Happy Birthday everybody! I didn't get arrested or detained, kept both of my shoes on until I got home, became intoxicated, and danced with strangers like I was turning 21 instead of 25. Thanks to Alex for hosting my party and getting me trashed, thanks to Aspen for keeping track of me and all of my stuff, thanks to everyone who was willing to be seen dancing with me, and thanks to Melissa for the cake. There are some pictures of me with my new contacts (or, I guess, without my glasses). It's been a great month of partying - now time to be a student again...

My response to Jeff's command to "be sexy" - I don't know whether I am too old or just out of practice.

The drive over.

Group "before" picture.

Alex's hot stripper shoes. She danced in these things.

Peter and Aspen looking excited to be alive.

Alex and Lis practice their sexy look.

Trannie Jonathan.

Second attempt at "sexy".

Cab ride to the club - yes, we are already trashed. But, again, cab driver was probably the most interesting person I met all night.

Trannies.

One of the many mysteries of Alex's beauty revealed.

Watch out, ladies. (No seriously, watch out.)

Front the club where scandalous, drunken dancing is about to commence.

Lis and Donny.

The best hostess/party-planner ever.

This is not a trick of the camera - Aspen is actually a foot and a half taller than most of the human race.

I get down with my bad self.

More action shots. An injunction against my dancing will be heard in the Cook County courts first thing Tuesday morning.

Jorge props me up. Um, I mean, Jorge dances with me.

Jorge tries to look responsible.

Aspen and Alex get wild...

Cory sways to the music.

Jorge and Alex celebrate their youth...bastards.

Drunken Aspen did a great job of making sure I did not give my shoes to strangers.

End of the night. Sorry to Aspen and Jorge who had to experience our drunken bonding moment.

Leaving the club.

More, um, art. (I keep crossing my fingers that these projects are privately funded.)

Ice art.

Thank you Melissa for the wonderful cake! (I have already eaten the leftovers...)

Is this creepy? Or is it just art?

Do I look old? (In unison, now...)

Merry, Merry

Christmas without family is really no Christmas at all. Luckily, I have great aunties, cousins, a couple of grandparents, several uncles, and a ma. Although I couldn't be with my mother this Christmas (which is apparently becoming a tradition) I got to spend time with family that I see even less often. New Years was spent in Chicago and proved to be a wild time. Except, query whether it is a good or a bad thing that the most interesting person you meet all night is the cab driver.

There's an airplane in the O'Hare airport. IN THE AIRPORT.

Great, because my current combat support system doesn't like to go higher than the second floor.

Cousin Jay dresses for the brutal Ohio winter (it was 35 degrees that day).

Amen.

Auntie and Cousin John acknowledge the new regulation on firearms in airports.

Let this warn all you roaming snowmen - you are not welcome here!

We did end up having breakfast that morning. No help from the photographer, just in case you were wondering.

Uncle Charlie and Cousin Tim discuss the meaning of life.

Gathering of the help for the daily meal.

Katie, resident cat.

The boys take pictures of the stars.

First things first: who knows how to use the stove?

Cousin John enjoys the gift for the dog.

The family attempts to coordinate and execute breakfast.

Grandma, again looking puzzled at her family's choice in gifts.

Auntie Kim, the miniature angel pales in comparison to your beauty. In fact, you are the standard by which we judge beauty.

Uncle Charlie gets excited about, um, eye droppers.

Inside, Cousin Tim is giggling like a schoolgirl.

Cousin Jay shows off his sexy, sexy belt.

Boy cousins.

Grandma looks slightly puzzled at her new scarf.

Cousin John admires the Christmas tree.

The cousins begin the race of the simultaneous present opening.

Grandma gives Charlie an empty box.

The race is on...

And John is the first to discover the glory of the gift!

Auntie models her beautiful new neckwarmer (see post from New Mexico).

Auntie shows cousin Jay what people did to occupy themselves before the internet.

Jay finally recaptures his lost girlhood.

Staging area.

Charlie gets a belated lesson on sock application and removal.

John fails to focus on the task at hand.

The family attempts to refold the flag.

Finally, group coordination.

Jay rolls vato style.

Can't imagine that this is much of a business in a town of 50.

This restaurant used to be called Gippers - we always ate here as children when visiting. The ice cream was much better then...

The family lunches.

Classic rural Ohio vehicle of choice.

This is a live bait vending machine. LIVE BAIT!!

My cousins live in LA - Jay demonstrates the fruits of his sniper training that have become necessary for survival in Other Big City.

Auntie gathers her gifts.

The master looks on as his student trains.

Timmy demonstrates his urban combat skills.

Jorge and Melissa toke it up.

Like father, like son.

Aspen, Melissa, and Jorge live it up Chicago style.

New Year's Eve dinner with friends - I was the only one not wearing black (oops).

New Year's party in full swing.

Melissa destroys private property in a drunken rage.

Home again, home again.

Security with a Smile

My trip to back to New Mexico was great. It was great to see everyone (even those who refused to be photographed yet still wanted to check out the site). I am including some holiday travel tips for those of you who have not yet started your journey home:

There is nothing that cannot be killed with kindness.

Don’t take a limo to the airport. You look like a prick.

If they tell you the flight is nearly full and to grab the first seat you see, sit in the middle seat of an empty row. This will all but ensure that if there is one empty seat on the plane, it will be next to you, giving you a more comfortable ride.

Don’t joke about the plane exploding with your Arab row mate. Seriously – even if he is an American with no accent. It will delay your departure. Further, when they become suspicious that the only empty seat on the plane is between the people joking about exploding planes, DO NOT use the term “signaling” when describing your seating theory (see above).

Surrendering lighters, matches, and mace is pretty much voluntary. These things are not caught during security checks, even if you put them in the dish with your keys.

Sing while waiting in a crowded lobby to board your plane. At least one person (if not everyone) will join you. Favorites seem to be “Jingle Bells” and “Sweet Home Alabama”.

Avoid long check-in lines at ticketing by claiming that you only have carryon baggage and using the automated check-in machine. Since the security folk are no longer employed by the airlines, they are concerned with finding lighters, matches, and mace (see above), not the size of your bag. When you board the plane, they will “gate-check” oversized bags for you. (It’s ok to be that person – your time is important.)

United is improving their customer service – the invalid on my plane only had to ask for a wheelchair three times AND they actually brought one instead of forcing her to crawl to baggage claim. They are still no Southwest (whom I would trust to manage the federal government), but they are getting better. As your attorney, I advise you to avoid American Airlines at all costs.

Seating in the front of the plane is quieter than the rear. This is because you are in front of the engines. Not, as I was duly informed, because the engines are failing. Also, Catholics just cross themselves a lot. It doesn’t necessarily mean that there is anything wrong with the plane.

Even if you offend your row-mate, request reseating if their pre-flight greeting starts with: a) I am an aeronautical engineer; b) I am a computer science major and I want to talk about the statistical likelihood of the engines/wings falling off of our aircraft; or c) I was a pilot in the “X” branch of the military during ‘Nam. Or, in the alternative, tell them you are a lawyer/work for the IRS/native of Saudi Arabia and they will reseat themselves.

Traveling is stressful. People like to smile. Give them a reason.

Happy Holidays!

Ma in her lovely (and matching) Christmas sweater and Chicago t-shirt.

Yay Southwest (even though you slid off the runway).

Book in the airport. Came within two inches of buying it.

Me and Dr. Stuart (one of my most favorite people).

There is this stand in the mall. These fake animals breathe due to battery power. In the picture, there is an old woman brushing one. Does that not seem unduly cruel?

Luminarias line most of the buildings in town.

This is my spot in the mountains. It is a place where my heart goes whether I am happy or sad and the first place (after the Frontier) that I am drawn to when I come home.

Its difficult to get over the barbed wire fence to get on top of the water tower. But it is really worth it.

Great hiking. Sometimes there are people hunting with rifles illegally - that makes it more exciting.

How I miss these places.

If in the right spot, it feels like the whole world is at your feet.

My mountains.

This is my mother ship - where the whole journey started.

They actually pay somebody to try to start a fire and change the sign daily.

This is how we do in the 'Burque.

It snowed. Hard to see in the picture, but the morning sun was so warm as to not only melt ALL of the snow, but to make roofs steam.

We went to the "River of Lights" at the Botanical Gardens. Here, Ma mimics the trees.

The rainforest area was decorated with subtle white lights and poinsettas. It was beautiful.

Ma's reflection on how the Christmas light scorpion makes her feel.

My ma's rat. Um, I mean cat.

Grandma and Shirley. Grandma looks drugged.

Only in New Mexico.

Grandma and Shirley again. Only Grandma looks surprised. She is a versatile woman.

When I took the picture, I didn't notice that the fire extinguisher was on the other side of the door. Yet another reason why no one should trust me in case of fire.

Ma and I with the Mexcian Santa.

Ma with her crazy cats, Esther and Ralph (tail only pictured).

Chile roasting device. Actually, it's not, but they do look something like that. Only different.

Impromptu former/current Starbucks staff party.

The moon was rising over the mountains and it was absolutely beautiful. Obviously, the photo does not capture it.

Family for dinner. (Don't worry, we look happier once the drinking truly commences).

A nice young gentleman came to our table to do magic tricks. He gave us this card as a souvenir. I tipped him even though I personally don't approve of the black arts.

In true New Mexican spirit, Ma finishes the pitcher before hopping behind the wheel.

Guess which three of us are related by blood. Hint: we are all female.

Grandpa refused to go along with our pink color scheme.

Ma at the salad bar, with the magic card.

Alyssa's cats.

Alyssa's project, Barrio.

In New Mexico, the size of your vehicle measures your masculinity. We like'em big...

Alyssa at the end of her last day of school for the semester. And I think David just normally looks like that.

Leah, looking gorgeous as usual.

Alex, my grandparents' dog.

View from my grandparents' new house - I reserved right of first refusal if they decide to sell.

Classic Albuquerque sunset.

Grandfather as art.

Another view.

Well, I guess it's better than paying later for the alternative.

To keep those nasty skateboarders from skateboarding. They support terrorists. Yeah, I said it.

Alyssa and Chris looking drunk at my favorite bar.

To keep those nasty skateboarders from skateboarding. They support the terrorists, you know. Yeah, I said it.

Alyssa and Chris looking beautiful (and sooo not closing on 40).

This is in the road just beyond the curb in downtown Albuquerque. Just goes to show how little faith they actually have in the public schools and in our collective common sense.